Crossing Focusing and sexuality
Why is there no Focusing orientation in sexual therapy?
Why do felt senses in the pelvic area appear so rarely in the natural flow of the Focusing process?
What do we need to know as facilitators when our Focusing partner or client is in touch with a felt sense in the genital area or is preoccupied with sexual issues?
These questions, as well as others, led me to explore the crossing between Focusing and sexuality.
Since I am a sexual and curious person, I started focusing on my sexuality-related issues on my own. When I realized how well it was working, I then invited students and friends to experience a personal process with me; and that led me to two contradictory conclusions:
1. Focusing on sexual issues is simple and natural
2. The sexual field holds 'transparent' forces. It is anything but simple, and it is important to recognize and know how to work with it, before moving to the therapeutic clinic.
Since then, over the past few years, I have mastered focusing and sexuality.
In the clinic:
1. Allowing FS to be felt in the genitals and pelvic area
2. Meeting therapeutic issues by focusing on them
With Focusing groups:
1. The three circles of meeting focusing and sexuality:
2. Resource definition for the facilitator's side: what supports me when dealing with sexual issues, define my personal boundaries, how to deal with sexual tension or embarrassment during the session etc.
4. Combining work with texts, family constellation, art, writing, whole-body Focusing (WBF) and a lot of one on one Focusing – acknowledging that most of the shifts require intimacy and time.
5. Since the original workshop contains only six separate sessions, I invite the group to focus at home (telephone pairs) and deepen their personal process.
Today, with many hours of experience in the clinic and the studio, learning the best ways to be present with embarrassment, shame, guilt and pain – on the way to contact a sexual FS, I know my instinct was right: focusing and sex is a match made in heaven.
Meanwhile, I never stopped focusing on my own sexual issues, and going to therapists and teachers who can assist my learning.
What I know by now is that excluding a whole part of the body from our attention, misses a vital step in the process, while including the genitals, pelvic FS or sexual issues makes the shift deeper, and the process more complete. We can't underestimate the effect sexuality has on the whole body and it is time to be bold about it.